s e c r e t g a r d e n

"Nothing is everything. And when you're nothing, you can receive anything," (wimar witoelar). nice quotation to relieve myself who's been in trouble of being nothing. that's a moment when heart can be cleaned up and relax, moment of nothing. i can feel it that there's nothing important from me except God. He comes from nothingness, and exist then when you're trying hard to find Him, you just found nothing. don't find Him, actually, honey... because He's somewhere i don't know. mystery? people need mystery as an energy to live.

then He's an energy. please stop looking for Him. just enjoy his nothingness.

see, i can receive everything. i realize (di antara debu-debu tadi pagi) that He helps me a lot.

NO... He's not He or Him as a creature. He's special.. inside me.

maybe myself, maybe my self confidence, my intuition, my pure heart, state of being nice.

........and those ritual are made to calm my self.

-->it's a how

where's everybody? i feel lonely today and yesterday. i feel anything can't support me. i did some mistakes, i guess. i just wanna tell what's in my mind. and i don't know if it'll be like this.

i have many things to do, but i feel useless. please give me strength, give me hope, i can't see anything clearly. where are you my friends? and also you God? are you alive, are you awake? is it my problem, forgetting you means forgetting my self? ignoring you means ignoring me?

dear God, i never think of you. i was busy with myself, but i know who you are, you're standing inside me. i knew it, but not today.

now. i have to decide, where i should continue my life. i don't think my concept still relevant. it's time to brainstorm with myself.