s e c r e t g a r d e n

I've been in very bad condition. really bad and getting worse everyday. I'm ruining my life and it's still going on.

Let's called it dark moments of me. Then I spend my time with reading a lot of books. any kind of them. I just follow my heart.. to seek something. to understand something, and they bring me to conspiracy stories. just a thought. but important, i think.

what is happened today, everything has reasons. no coincidence.

"dark ages, dark moment, need some lights. bring me to light."

dear God, I need to discuss this.

Loneliness kills me already. Everything's going chaos. I live only with me, no friends, no family, nobody.

Then, TV turns to magic for me. This box thing can company me, understand me, make me happy. I love it, it can be understood why housewife love to watch TV.. the series.. love stories.. handsome guy..

well people, it's very useful, to release stress

for me, it can make me happy for a while. at least, I'm not alone anymore.

Everybody's out there, listen! I think it's enough. don't make me more crazy, please. I'm mentally down, now.

reading "archetype of love", and i try to understand what happened in me today and in the past.

love has to be able to grow. the book told us about love but it can be relevant to career, life and others. there are several type, i've read innocent, orphan and pilgrim. the point is, everyone has to be on that phases to get a "ripe" or grown up. innocent is like a baby, a newcomer, sweet and afraid. orphan starts to ask about dissatisfaction, protests, doubtful (like teenager)-->but many adults can't go out from here! orphan dreams about something good who can save them.

then pilgrim, someone who asks about everything, they want to know about everything, go to everywhere. and hope to find the love or if they had, that love should be grown up. they has to find purpose. they wanna do everything on their way. but pilgrim can be failed to be orphan again.